It is believed that with the birth of a child, a woman will inevitably turn on a regime of great love, the desire to spend with his tot 24 hours a day, tenderness from his appearance, even if he sprinkled porridge on all kitchen surfaces, and the like. Say, immediately after the birth, the newly appeared mother joins the countless army of happy women who see the meaning of life in their children. However, in practice, this is not always the case. More and more women admit that, although they are not going to shirk from their parental responsibilities, a newborn that constantly needs to be fed, reassured, washed, does not cause them any warm feelings. It is difficult to say that this is to blame: the change in the role of women in the modern world or the fact that until recently, socially disapproving feelings were taken to be hushed up. However, there is a problem, and it, to a certain extent, makes it difficult to live and be happy. Therefore, in this article, we will tell you how to awaken the maternal instinct in its absence.
Tips for awakening the maternal instinct?
Why do feelings for a child “sleep”?
To begin with, let’s talk about the possible causes of the absence or weak expression of the maternal instinct. After all, identifying the cause is the first step to solving the problem:
- Unwanted pregnancy. This is perhaps the easiest and most obvious option. Biological mechanisms alone, forcing us to care for our offspring, are not enough to awaken maternal love on a psychological level. And if the addition to the family is frankly unwanted (the woman did not want to give birth in principle, or gave birth to an unloved person), then it can be difficult to overcome herself.
- Lack of maternal love in their own childhood. If her own mother was always cold, obviously lacking in warmth and care, then the woman herself may not have a maternal instinct. If only because she does not know what it is like: to love your own child. Examples of other families do not count, because all of them are obscured by an example of the behavior of their own parents. Here we are talking about a certain deprivation.
- Postpartum depression. This is a rather complex, complex disorder that includes many aspects, and the absence of maternal instinct – including. Like any clinical depression, the postpartum variation of this disorder needs to be treated with a psychiatrist and psychotherapist. It is possible that after overcoming this problem, it will be possible to awaken the love for the child in a natural way.
- Public stereotypes. They are so diverse that there is not even a specific one. For example, some women are very impressive experiences of strong and independent businesswomen, and they subconsciously believe that a loving caring mommy – not the essence that could fit this pattern. Others, on the contrary, are immensely annoyed by “sushi-pusi”, and they do not want to become so much the same that they emotionally distance themselves from their children in principle.
- Features of temperament and character. The emergence of a new family member is a serious change, especially given the fact that he also requires increased attention. Some women find it difficult to quickly adapt to this simply because of individual personality characteristics, which is why it is impossible to awaken the maternal instinct.
What to do to arouse emotions?
So, if in one of the above options you have recognized yourself, it means that you have already taken the first step along the right path. Understanding exactly what causes you such difficulties is much better than just looking at the world with surprised eyes and not knowing why you don’t meet the standard “picture”. So now let’s talk about how you can develop maternal instinct in its absence:
- Forget about the debt. Seriously, there is nothing worse than being around everything owing anything. In fact, you are, of course, obliged to provide the child with everything that is necessary for his life, but no more. And you definitely will not burn to him with warm feelings, if you force yourself. If this happens – it is only because you yourself want to awaken them, and not by someone else’s instructions.
- Drop the blame. Often enough, mothers who do not feel a fiery love for their children consider themselves to be guilty. Because of this, they either go into themselves and suffer or in every way try to depict non-existent feelings. It is clear that to awaken real emotions, too, will not work. Therefore, allow yourself to be, to a certain extent, shameless, and throw off the unnecessary burden of guilt from your shoulders.
- Watch the baby at different times. In the absence of maternal instinct, it is difficult to see real beauty in this little man. Therefore, you will need to make an effort to follow this advice, but it’s worth it. Just watch the baby in different situations, some of which you can create yourself: when he eats, listens to your singing or your favorite music, plays, walks, sleeps, views pictures. It is possible that at some point your heart will flow. Some situation will trigger a trigger that touches you for something alive, wakes you up from sleep, and for the first time, you will see your baby with different eyes.
- Remember that he is the continuation of you. He will be a completely different person, with different goals and a life story, but he will never cease to be your flesh and blood. A child is to some extent you. And if you love yourself, then perhaps you can transfer this love to him.
- Find a balance between time spent with a child and time without it. On the one hand, joint exercises very much unite parents and children; create fertile ground for the development of warm feelings. On the other hand, the constant presence nearby, the constant worries and efforts do not allow these feelings to awaken; they do not allow seeing your toddler behind the veil of life. So do not hesitate to periodically leave him in the care of your father and grandparents, and spend time in any way that is interesting for you. Even a few hours of rest and a fresh look after them can make you discover something in the child that you have not noticed before.
And in conclusion it is worth giving the most important advice: take your time. Follow the above guidelines at your own pace. Love is not something that can be awakened at the click of a finger; it blooms long, gradually. Work on it, and over time you will notice that your maternal instinct is not so missing!